Fat Woman With A Band

Pretty much all I’ve been doing is not eating.

That is an exaggeration, of course. Let’s say I’m being very careful. And it’s been difficult.

After I eat I do feel a bit of pressure. Not the uncomfortable feeling one has after overeating. It’s more like a hard knot in my stomach. I’m don’t experience an level of pain with it – it’s just “there.”

I’ve also started rowing. The instructions that come with the rower suggest starting off slowly at 10 minutes a day, and gradually increasing the time week over week. It’s felt very good to row.

The chatter on the lapbandtalk site has similar comments from the people who were banded on the same day – hunger, a bit of increase in burping, and optimism about the future. I am looking forward to the next 12 months.

On the lapbandtalk site many people have as part of their signature a little horizontal graph showing how much they want to lose and how much they’ve lost to date. I admit that I often pay more attention to this graph then to the content of the posting. I look for people who say they are planning on losing the same amount of weight as I want to lose. Then I look to see when they started to lose weight. I then apply this arithmetic to me.

I think “How much will I have lost by March?” “By the summer?” “In 12 months?” I know I’m obsessing. I think once I really start into it, I’ll be able to relax a bit.

So, what do I mean by start into it? I mean when I feel a restriction after eating, and I don’t feel hungry all day. Oh, of course when I’ve ramped up my exercise regimen. I think by the end of January I’ll be in a good place.

My plan? Do what I need to do to lose weight. And along the way work on a way to make healthy living a habit for a lifetime.

I got very excited with the information in the  website HealthAssist. It has terrific ideas and tips, some in list format, on what you need to change to be more healthy.

Strongly recommended.

I’ve been through the four days of clear liquid, and the seven days of full fluid (creamed soup, protein drink, yogurt). This morning I begin seven days of mushy food. That’s food basically the consistency of baby food. Actually, the guidelines even suggest organic baby food as a meal.

I started off with a bowl of organic oatmeal and flax. It was delightful, thank-you.

I just finished as you can see. I’m interested to determine if it helps me feel full or sated. I’ve felt very hungry the last few days.

The bandages have all gone, and the bruise is definitely not as angry. My stomach is a little bit bumpy near the port, and I hope that goes away. It makes it a bit uncomfortable sleeping. The incisions look pretty good, too.

I’ve also regained a lot of my energy and I feel like doing more things. Unfortunately, my dislike of winter weather mitigates that a bit. Anyway, I’ll deal with it.

I’ve been working on visualizing as a technique to keep me motivated. A bit more than visualizing actually; not just thinking of me doing something, but also about how I’ll feel in my body doing that activity. I do remember what it feels like to complete a challenging physical activity, and I’m trying to recapture that feeling in my thoughts. At this point what I find physically challenging maybe totally pedestrian to most. I know I have to start somewhere.

I also remember what it felt like in my body when I wore clothes in a much smaller size. I’m trying to focus on that feeling, also.

I’m not focussing on how much weight I’ve lost. I’m sure I get weighed at the clinic on January 12th, when I go for my first fill. And whatever it is, it is.

Off I go to do a food bank donation.

I’ll know I’ll go a bit crazy if I start celebrating or remarking on every little anniversary. Even though I’m a counter – how many steps to the top floor? how many liters of gas to fill the tank? how much money did I lose? – I know that counting everything will be a little much.

For the most part, the first week went amazingly well. Yesterday I had a lot more gas pain than in the first five day, but other than that, I’m really good.

I’ve been reading a lot of comments from other “bandsters” on the talk website. I realize my visits there will probably diminish as time goes on, also. It’s a helpful site if you’ve got a problem to resolve, e.g., what to do with gas pain, or what to order in a Chinese restaurant. The general talk though gets a bit repetitive.

I’m in the full fluid phase: protein drinks, creamed soup, and yogurt for seven days. Even though I’m hungry, I don’t want to rush things and upset my tummy. Obviously, I’ll get to chewing food soon enough and then the hard part begins.

By hard part, I mean ensuring that I get enough protein in me in the limited volume of food I can consume. It’ll be a matter of training, and I have two sources to get that training. One is the support available through the nutrionist at TLBC, and the other is from a couple of cookbooks I purchased. These books have recipes that are geared towards people who have had bariatric surgery.  I’m looking forward to cooking from them.

I have to remember: it took me a while to get to this weight, and it’ll take me a while to get to an average weight. And, I will.

First, I had my surgery two days ago. And, I’m pleased to report it went very well. Today I have a bit of cramping from the gas that is still rolling around in my innards, but I feel good.

Second, to help me reach my goal I need to do these things:

1. Decide on a goal
2. Decide on the activities need to reach my goal
3. Work on the activities

My goal is to lose 100lbs by December 13, 2009.

To reach my goal, I will eat less and move more. The lapband will help me with the eat loss goal, as it will help me monitor my intake.

As for moving more, I’m going back to the “Y” in January, beginning with aqua-fit. As the weather warms and I become more fit, I’ll start incorporating more walking into my routine.

And, overarching these items is working on my brain. Getting my brain rewired so that the eat less/move more (ELMM) is just as natural to me as breathing.

I think the rewiring part will be as difficult as ELMM. And perhaps more exciting.

I’m losing weight, not my sense of humour.

A friend sent me this diet today. It’s making the rounds through e-mail.

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

Stress Diet

Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kiss

Afternoon Tea
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Sound familiar? I’d probably have more crunchy and salty stuff on the Stress Diet. I wonder if there are any substitutions allowed?

Dr. Oz says there are three things that important to a good and healthy life.

1. Exercise – do something physical everyday.
2. Eat food as close to the way it was grown as possible – reduce the amount of processed food you eat.
3. Have a purpose – doing something important to you. The popular phrase is: what is your passion?

My girlfriend quickly added the fourth thing for a good and healthy life:

4. Have good people around you – family and friends to support you.

He’s right, and she’s right.

Getting these four things into your life isn’t easy. If they were easy, we wouldn’t need to talk about them. Everybody would just naturally do them.

And then, of course, once you have them in your life, life is easy. Hmm. Maybe not easy, just easier.

I think I experienced some of this on Saturday night. It was my girlfriend’s annual year-end gathering. It was all about the friends and the food. I couldn’t have any of the food because of my pre-op diet, but I could enjoy the company. And I did, a great deal.

I was going to say that not having any my favourite foods was difficult, but you know after the first little while it really wasn’t. I concentrated on talking to people, and taking photos. The night passed pleasantly, with the curious aspect of having a lot of conversations about food. I never grabbed the cheese tray and waddled out the front door yelling “It’s mine! All mine!”

I hope that I can concentrate on my four things in the next while, and that the losing weight portion will be a pleasant, engaging experience.

Finally, I’m reading another great book, The 4-Day Win, by Martha Beck. I’ll give a short review of it in another blog. She has an interesting angle on the eat less/move more diet thing. I’m liking what I’ve read so far.

The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl, Shauna Reid

Half-Assed, Jennette Fulda

Passing for Thin, Frances Kuffel

I have to surround myself with items and people that will help me do this. These three books, in different ways, are just the ticket.

What they all have in common is good to pretty good writing. Funny anecdotes. Lots of “me, too” moments.

Also, I feel there’s lots of anger. Perhaps a bit more in Jennette’s memoir, than the others. Anger at themselves, anger at not being noticed or taken seriously.

None of these women had weight-loss surgery. Shauna changed her diet with the help of a couple of national programs, and then figured out what she needed to do for herself. Jennette pointedly refuses to discuss her method of changing her food habits because she views it as a personal decision. Frances joined a self-help group and consumed vast quantities of vegetables.

Each one incorporated a great deal of exercise into their lives. Each expressed joy at discovering they liked the exercise. I’m rolling that thought around a bit: joy in exercise. I hope I find that joy.

Both Shauna and Jennette’s websites are terrific resources for help on weight-loss.

Each woman lost a lot of weight – half their weight. Each also had bumps in the road. That is, they didn’t start their weight loss and then continue losing steadily until the point at which they started writing their book. Each had some periods where they regained weight, grabbed hold, and then started losing again. I think this is the part I found most heartening. It made their stories real for me, not a fairy tale.

Three things I learned:

1. eat healthy
2. move more
3. “it” is in your head

I’ve have not yet managed to work on healthy eating and moving more for longer than six months. In order for me to make a successful change, I’ll need to get my head working for me so that it’ll be a forever-commitment.

As a good friend says: “Focus!”

I’m gonna.

Cue 86-piece orchestra, with a large percussion section, and play the big music.

Started the pre-op deprivation diet today. I know. I know. It’s all in how you frame it. At this very moment, I’m feeling deprived, and the endpoint is so far away, that I can’t think of it clearly.

Grrrr.

O.K., I’ll stop. That’s it. No more feeling sorry for myself. Done and done.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about dieting, finding the descriptions of experiences that will help me. Lots and lots to read about. Some written by people “just like me”, and some sponsored by medical organizations.

I’ve added a couple of more sites to my blogroll, to give you an idea of what’s available. Elastic Waist has some very funny videos. And Weight Matters is authored by an Ottawa doctor specializing in bariatric topics.

I’ve ordered a couple of books written by women after their successful weight loss. I’ll post reviews as soon as I’ve read them. Wonder why it seems as if it’s only women who talk about weight loss? Usually, if you see or read about a man’s weight loss, it’s associated with an athletic achievement. Gender roles appear even in weight loss stories.

On the bright side, tomorrow is two. Oh, and I can drink coffee or tea. See? It’s all in how your frame it.

And a big shout out to canadiangirl who had her surgery on Nov 20th. I’m happy to report she’s doing well. Go, canadiangirl!