Fat Woman With A Band

It feels like a lifetime of diets. I can remember my first diet using doctor prescribed amphetamines when I was in Grade 8. I lost weight. My mother was happy.

The next big time was in Grade 13; I received doctor prescribed injections containing a substance too horrible to repeat. Actually a very famous current diet doctor was responsible for popularizing this treatment. I don’t think he does this anymore, he now prescribes a near starvation diet.

Next was a diet without medical aids, just with watching my food intake. That was in the second last year of university. That worked well, too.

And then from then on lots of tries, and lots of failures. Each time I was ‘effin’ good at losing the weight, and even better at regaining the lost pounds and finding even a few more pounds for extra measure.

There are a few things different this time. The most obvious is the lapband. I have a surgically implanted aid to help me control the volume of food. Weight loss surgery consists of at least one part surgery – at the clinic this part is described as 50% of the tools needed to lose weight.

The second difference is me – my physical self. I’m 51 and in menopause. I can feel that my body is reacting differently to weight loss than it has done in past attempts. The weight loss feels slower to me. And the physical activity needed to boost this weight loss is more difficult to do.

The third difference is me – my mental self. I think some of this difference is again related to menopause. Mood swings, hot flashes, sleeplessness, all of the usual symptoms rage around in my brain pan. Happily these symptoms are not as bad as they were even six months ago.

The final difference is the support I’m receiving from my tribe. In the past, I’ve received support from family and friends, and they were great, and helpful, and cheered me on. This time the same holds true, in spades, but I’ve also reached out more. You’re reading this blog, for example. I’m more vocal about what I need, and what I’ve done.

I’m different, and I’m planning on a different result. Lose the weight AND keep it off.

The less I eat the more energy I have, which you would think is the opposite of what should happen. You would think the fewer calories, the less fuel you have to consume, and the less energy you’ll derive from that fuel. That’s not the case for me.

And my issue isn’t that I have more energy, it’s that I’m not able to focus the energy. For the last week or so, I can’t do anything for any period of time. I get impatient, lose interest, and want to move on.  It’s a struggle to make myself do the tasks I need to do. With my tranquilizer dosage decreased – by eating small quantities of healthy foods – I’m tense and agitated.

I wonder how long it takes for the body and mind to adjust to fewer calories, and to more nutritious food. I suppose that if I were the average dieter, I’d probably abandon the diet right about now. I’ve lost a little. Fit into clothes I hadn’t been able to for a while. Got more energy. Yippee! Let’s eat!

I won’t though for two, maybe three reasons. The first is the lapband. Eating the same quantities of food as I did two months ago would cause physical discomfort, maybe even pain. The second reason is that I WANT to lose more weight. And, I think that how I feel currently, will pass. I just need to be patient.

This is me being patient. Shit.

One of the threads on the lapbandtalk site is NSV, or Non-Scale Victories. These victories are those that come about because you’re losing weight, and are related to weight loss, but not specifically THE weight loss.

Examples:

• fitting into clothes that you’d outgrown
• reducing medications
• compliments from family, friends, or strangers
• more energy.

And that last one is the biggie for me. When I’m medicating myself with food, I never notice a surfeit of energy, because I’ve used it all up with gluttony. When I eat with moderation, I have a huge jump in energy.

I also notice a bit of on increase in the inability to concentrate. I’ve got about four books on the go, and I just can’t seem to sit  still long enough with any of them to complete them.

I’ve also just about completed the first week with a fill. Thankful, in the last few days I haven’t had any problems related to eating too fast. I now have to figure out if I need another fill, or if this is the correct amount. I’m going to make a concerted effort to monitor how quickly I get hungry after eating. I am pretty sure, though, that I can comfortably eat more than one cup worth’s of food at one meal. Hmm … maybe I’ve answered the question – I think I’ll need another fill.

I’ve increased my rowing time by five minutes per day in the last couple of days. I’ll increase it gradually until I get to 30 minutes a day, and then stick to that.

Maybe cross-country skiing is next? Uh, no. No it’s not. But maybe some mall walking – that sounds warmer.

I have experienced the wonderful phenomena of productive burping, or more rightly put, near productive burping.

Productive burping, basically regurgitating your food, is caused by eating too quickly or taking big bites of food and not chewing the food enough. The food does not travel through the little stomach pouch created by the lapband, and basically HURTS LIKE HELL!

I’m exaggerating. But it was uncomfortable – a lot!

It took about 10 minutes for the lump to pass. I couldn’t get a good breath in, and I couldn’t swallow, and it wouldn’t move back out.

Happily I have no ill effects now. I continued with my lunch after a while, and I’ve had some water since, and all is well.

I’m definitely going to remember that feeling.

The bubble above my head, from now on, says: “Tiny bites, chew, chew, chew, and go slowly.”

I had my first “fill” yesterday. It went o.k.

The band can hold up to 10 cc’s of saline solution. The nurse placed 4 cc’s in it yesterday via a needle into the port just under by skin. I could feel something immediately – a slight pressure on my right side. Not painful, and only a little bit uncomfortable for about an hour or so.

The rest of the day I could drink water, protein smoothies, and I had some home made tofu and vegetable pureed soup. I could definitely feel something then, and it was hard getting it down. But, this morning’s cup of coffee went down smoothly with no hiccups.

I’m scheduled for another two fills, two weeks apart. The clinic’s nutritionist recommended that after the third fill to “sit” with it a for a little while to determine if it’s o.k. That is not to ask for another fill, or possibly defill, until I’ve worked with that amount of fill I’ve received to that point. What I’m looking for is the “sweet spot.” That is, a restriction that will allow me to eat about a cup of food at one meal, and feel full for at least three to four hours. She went on to explain for some people that sweet spot can be the difference between having 7 cc’s of saline vs. 7.25 cc’s of saline.

I also got weighed. I’ve lost 24lbs since I began, and I have a l-o-o-n-g way to go. The nutritionist also counselled patience. She said that losing between one and two pounds a week is optimal. I know she’s right, but it’s very difficult to hear. I want to lose big numbers every week, and lose all the weight I want to lose quickly. And, at the same time, I know that it is physically impossible to do that unless I exercised eight hours a day with a trainer, and had my meals prepared for me in the most nutritionally balanced way. And this doesn’t happen for anyone in real life.

I’ve signed up for a six-week course at the clinic to learn about eating smart with the band, and I suppose even without the band. It’s about how to optimize the 1 cup of food I eat at each meal, and how to optimize my whole day’s nutrition. More on this in the coming weeks.

I’m off to begin my day with a bit of rowing, and then an aquafit session, before I get to work.

It’s very interesting how much time I have on my hands now that I’m not spending so much time eating, going to eat, preparing food, and shopping for food.

I’m in my last week of being able to eat volumes of food. I haven’t been, but at this point it’s sheer willpower that is stopping me. I’ve very much looking forward to getting my first fill so that I’ll feel a restriction. And, if it all goes according to plan, I’ll also feel full on minimal amounts of food, for a longer period of time.

My incisions have healed very well, I think. The knot I felt at the port site also seems to have decreased – it’s not sore or uncomfortable anymore.

I’m also down one size. Pants I haven’t been able to wear since sometime in the summer fit again.

I went over to the “Y” today to check it out and see the schedule for aquafit. I’m going to start soon, probably once or twice this week, and then try to go at three times per week.

As for what’s going on in my head. I’m pretty much focused on “not eating”, “not eating”, “not eating.” That’s a bit too simplistic. I’m trying to eat smartly, that is, sparingly but with food high in protein. I’ve been sticking to tofu, tuna, eggs, and cottage cheese primarily, with a bit of chicken. And “not eating” is way too tiring.

And that reminds me. I met with a woman last week who had this surgery a number of years ago. I wanted to hear her experiences with the band, and how and what she ate. I very much appreciated her comments and insight. I was happy to hear that one of the food products that she consumed in quantity was soy milk. I’ve been drinking soy milk for more than a year, so I’m happy to keep on with it in my diet.

See? All good.