Fat Woman With A Band

The word for me the last couple of weeks is “procrastinate.”

There’s tax stuff to do, there’s a FitBit to set up, and there’s some paperwork I need to get to. I haven’t done a darn thing.

I did, however, do another 10km walk and I’m happy to say I shaved six minutes off my time. My goal is to shave another six minutes, and then start to lengthen my long walks. I want to be able to do the 21km in less than 3hrs and 40min.

There are two experiences I have while I’m walking. One I can remedy fairly easily, and the other is tedious. I’ve found now that I have the energy to do the walk, that is I don’t seem to run out of steam before the end. But what I do find is that I get bored, and I just want to finish so I can do the next thing. This, I recognize, is my usual issue of not being in the moment. So with the walking I’ve been listening to podcasts like CBC’s Norah Young and Spark, NPR’s Terry Gross and Fresh Air, CBC’s Shelagh Rogers and The Next Chapter, NYT’s Freakonomics, TVOntario’s Jesse Brown and Search Engine, Spacing Radio, and various others. This definitely helps a lot.

The second experience is physical. I always seem to have something wrong – my hip hurts, my Achilles hurts, my foot hurts. Always something ‘effing thing. And always on my right side. It’s not a huge 10/10 of pain, usually a 2/10 or 3/10. I’d just prefer not to have it at all. I bought some compression tights on Friday and tried them out yesterday to see if they’d help with the right side pain. It could have been one of the reasons I managed to shave six minutes off my time. After walking, and this morning, my Achilles is 3/10. Not good. More stretching required.

I’ll get to my tasks this week. Really. Really. Really. Sh*t.

I wish I was saying last five pounds to lose. I’m not.

I’m saying the last five weeks of training with Jackie begins tomorrow. I’m doing four workouts a week – Day 1 and 3 work on the same body parts, and Day 2 and 4 work on the other body parts. For example, last week I worked on my legs on Monday and Wednesday, and on my arms on Tuesday and Thursday. I also participated in aquafit on Tuesday and Thursday, and did a little bit of walking on Monday and Friday.

This week I’ll be working my upper body on Monday and Wednesday, and legs on Tuesday and Thursday. I’ll be doing aquafit also, and walking. I’m hoping that we’ll have less rain this week so it’ll be more fun to walk.

The last exercise topic for this post is about the Scotiabank Marathon. I’ve signed up for the half-marathon. That’s 21 kilometers on Sunday, September 26. I know that I can walk it, but what I don’t know is if I can walk it while the course is officially open, that is 3 hours and 40 minutes. So the goal isn’t just to walk but to finish in that time.

I’m going to be doing as many training walks as I can, not all the same length as the half-marathon. For example, a walk from my place to the intersection of Bloor and Yonge is 10 kilometers. I’ll going to try to do that this week and get a time measurement. I think I can do that in just over 2 hours. Not bad, but not good enough. I have about six months to improve on that.

I’m finding easier to concentrate on the exercise part of my life rather than the diet part. I admit that I’m not doing as well as I should. I have to find the push to start cooking more at home again. I’m thinking about it a lot, I just haven’t done anything about it. Yet.

I’m half-way through a week at Disney World with Doug and Alnoor. It’s been a blast so far, and I have every expectation that we’ll continue to have a magical time here.

The weather hasn’t been all that good, but still better than the snow events happening at home. We even managed to get a couple of continuous hours of relatively warm weather so that we could enjoy Typhoon Lagoon, one of Disney’s water parks.

I didn’t plan any structured exercise during this week as I thought that walking the parks would be enough. I’m not sure that it’s actually “enough”, but I’ve been pretty tuckered out at the end of the day.

As for eating, well, forget about it. I think we’ve all eaten a bit more (or in my case, a lot more) than usual. And I have no regrets. The mint sundae at Ghirardelli’s at Downtown Disney a couple of days ago was stupendous. Orgasmic, actually. And the Tex-Mex at Chevy’s was yummy. We are all in agreement that US portion sizes do seem a bit over the top. Happily the portion sizes at the Pop Century’s cafeteria aren’t over the top, though we’ve had only breakfasts here.

The big story for me though is how different this Disney holiday feels. Slightly more than ten years ago I was here when I was at my previous lowest weight as an adult. That was about 30 pounds more than I am now. It’s difficult to explain how I feel in my body – I’ll try.

I sat in the middle seat in the airplane row on the way here. I could do up the seat belt. I could put the seat back tray down without it hitting my stomach. I didn’t crowd Doug and Alnoor sitting on either side of me.

I can walk the parks without the aid of a cane (as I did ten years ago because of back problems). I have the energy to do the walking and to keep up. On the buses I take up one seat, not two or three.

I have my choice of souvenir t-shirts and don’t have to stick to the oversize racks. I fit in any chair available and don’t have to look for the chairs without arms.

I fit on any ride – the safety bar that closes you in on the seat doesn’t crowd me. I can sit with another adult or more and each of us has enough space. I fit in the inner tube that you use on the creek in Typhoon Lagoon.

I brought a medium sized suitcase slightly more than ¾’s full with lots of changes of clothes. In the past I would have had to pack a much larger suitcase for the same number of pieces of clothing. I know I would have also packed more because finding something in an “emergency” would have been difficult.

I walk up and down the three flight of stairs to the room without a second thought. At the top there’s no huffing or puffing.

You see all these little things that most people don’t even think about or take for granted, each of them has been a “wow” moment for me.

I’ve enjoyed all these non-scale victories that accompany weight-loss.



Last week was a write-off. I was mildly depressed – is there such a thing? – and couldn’t get motivated to exercise at the level I need to keep my weight loss moving. I did some light activities – walking and rowing – and tried to keep my eating under control. I think there were two reasons for how I felt.

I had gum surgery the week before last and took antibiotics for a week afterwards to stave off infection. It’s been a while since I’ve taken antibiotics and I wonder whether these pills affected my mood. Maybe. Maybe not. Taking the meds was definitely something different in my daily routine, and therefore could have been a source of my change in mood.

I was also feeling too regimented with my exercise routine. Jackie was right-on when she said I need to have – well, let’s put it this way, an assertive exercise routine if I want to have results. But, I also felt a little physically burned out from the three-a-week schedule and the three aquafits and the one bodyflow and the walking and the rowing, etc.

So last week I had one session with Jackie on Monday, missed Wednesday, and had a very abbreviated session on Friday. I also completely missed aquafit.

I’m happy to report that by Friday afternoon I was definitely feeling the cloud lifting from my head, and today I’m feeling pretty fine. Knock wood.

I’m ready to do week six, the final week in this set. Then I’ll have two weeks away – I’ll do one week on my own at the gym, and I’m considering what to do while I’m in Disneyworld the last week of February.

I should also comment on the diet. Not only was I tired of the exercise regimen, I was getting tired of the food, too. I had to change up my breakfast meal without losing out on the huge boost in fibre I get from it. I think I did that successfully. I could have done better on meal planning, but I didn’t feel too out of control. I am going to make a concerted effort this week to cut back on my soy milk intake; it feels like I’m drinking my calories, rather than chewing them.

Saying I’m recharged is an overstatement. I am on track.

Confirmed. I’ve lost ONE POUND since November 2009.

How’s that for a weight loss, eh?

Sheesh.

I usually have a bunch of little things to say and this week is no different. Having big things happen doesn’t always mean a good big thing. So here’s five little things from the past week.

1. I may have lost a pound. This week was the first time since November that I may have weight loss. I won’t trumpet the loss until next weigh-in. A pound would be good as it would go with the slight changes in body shape I’ve been feeling.
2. The graffiti has been cleaned from my building as of the day before yesterday. Good. Hope it doesn’t happen again. I know hope is not a plan, but I don’t know how to plan not to have it happen again.
3. I’m reading a new book called “Angry Fat Girls: Five Women, 500 Pounds, and a Year of Losing It…Again” by Frances Kuffel. I read her first book “Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself” last year. The first book described her experiences losing 188 pounds. This new book talks about regaining some of the weight and then trying to lose it again. It also describes the experiences of four other women she met online through her Amazon blog. Some of it is very depressing, some of it is “yup, that’s me”, and some of it is “thank goodness I didn’t, or don’t do that.” I’ve just started the book, and I’m not sure I’d call a good read. I found her descriptions of how she’s kept the privacy of everyone appearing in the book very confusing, and very long winded. I do like how it’s more than just about Frances. More about the book in a future post.
4. Also this week I feel my training went up a notch. There were some new moves, and some repeats of old moves. The exercise routine left me wobbly and pooped, and exhilarated. Thanks, Jackie.
5. Oh, and I’m visiting Mickey Mouse the last week of February with Doug and Alnoor. Yeah!

I’ve already explained I’m continuing to work to reach my goal of losing another 25 pounds. It’s still going very, very, very slowly. So slowly as to be not moving at all.

I’m also trying to keep the activity level up. It’s difficult and I’m only doing “o.k.” at it. I’ll keep on trying.

As for being the boss of me – I’m paying more attention to making sure I get my needs met, my ideas heard, and doing what I want. Not easy as I have a long tradition of being a door mat, but I am finding ways to being more in charge of me.

And happily it’s already looking like a year where I’ll do even more travelling. First trip will be at the end of February to Orlando. I’m hopeful it’ll be with a couple of friends.

Then China in May. CHINA! Amazing. So out of my comfort zone. What’s helping is going with friends, as I’m not sure I’d go on my own. We’re just in the planning stages, but I’ve already got my ticket to Beijing. We want to work in Shanghai and Hong Kong. I hope that some of the travel will be by train. I get all happy flushed just thinking about it.

And we’ve also talked about London, Amsterdam, and Copenhagen for July.  I’m really eager to go back to London, and I’m loving the idea of touring Amsterdam and Copenhagen. They’ll be a few train trips in there, too.

And, of course, I want to go to New York again. Don’t know exactly when, and finances will be a huge factor on determining when and how I go. All I’m sure of at this point, is want to go again … and again … and again.

So, I’m even more serious about losing weight and keeping the activity level up. I don’t want to miss out on anything and I want to make sure I’m as healthy as I can be to get maximum enjoyment out of every moment on each trip.

In the last couple of days trying to find balance has been a challenge. And I’m not referring to balance around my eating or activity levels, but more around not obsessing around the darned graffiti.

I took brooke’s advice – she said “do something” about the graffiti. That is, vent in an appropriate way. So, I did. I wrote an e-mail to the local business improvement association and to the councillor. I did a bit of research on the ‘net to find out what the city and Police Service have to say. I talked about it with friends and family. Even at the Y this morning a member heard me talking about it with Jackie, and he said “get rid of it” – he’d had the same experience.

So after the Y this morning I got on the phone and started calling. The Police Service automated message about Graffiti Eradication says to get rid of it after reporting it. I did report it; two officers came out – one took my statement and another took photographs. They said the Police do keep track of the graffiti. If the vandal is caught doing the bad deed somewhere, they check their records to determine if they’ve done it somewhere else also. The attending officer also suggesting cleaning it up because it may help determine if it’s a “one-off” or someone with a vendetta – potentially against one of the business owners in the building. Presumably if it’s a vendetta, the vandal will come back and do it again.

I’ve called two graffiti removal companies for estimates. I will have to live with the unsightly mess until warmer weather as the removal can’t be done in freezing weather.

I also called the city as their website for the Graffiti Abatement Program says to call in to report it. But what they don’t make clear is that they only want a report if the graffiti is on city property. I told the operator their parking meter got tagged, but she didn’t seem to care about that. She did say I could lodge a complaint with Municipal Licensing and Standards, but to me that’s a route to follow if it’s someone else’s building you’re complaining about.

I do feel better. Actually, two other things helped too. The first was when I called the Police to report I had to listen to the automated message prompts regarding emergencies or personal injuries. Kinda made me think “thank goodness.” The other thing that worked was looking at the graffiti a bit more. It’s bad, yes. I didn’t ask for it, true. The words are stoopid – “DOA” and “ZINE” – true. But it’s paint, not fire, not a tree falling into the building, or a gas explosion.

And then this helped too. I put on jeans that I had bought a couple of months ago without trying them on first. I had made the assumption they would fit. But they were too tight. I’ve pulled them out of the back of the closet a couple of times since I bought them, but they’ve continued to be too tight. Until today! Yeah me!

So, even though the scales have been stubbornly stuck at pretty much the same number for the past 6-8 weeks, at least my body shape is shifting.

Good. Balance. Breathing.

If anger can make you lose weight then I’ve lost the 25 pounds I want to lose yesterday.

I woke up Saturday morning to graffiti on my front door, the garage door, and on the building. I was incensed. I’m still very angry.

This is not art, this is not cool, this is not urban, or urbane. It’s vandalism.

May the person or persons who did this rot in hell. ‘effin bastards.

2010′s motto is: “I’m the boss.”

That’s right, I AM the boss.

I AM in charge of what I do.
I AM in charge of what I consume.
I AM in charge of making things happen for me.
I AM in charge of my reaction to events.
I AM in charge of my weight loss.
I AM in charge of my exercise plan.
I AM in charge of my feelings.

I AM the boss of me.

I like the simple things.