Fat Woman With A Band

I’m a counter.

I’m training to walk the half-marathon, and in that process I count lots of different things. Here’s a small sampling:

• how often do I have to train each week
• how far do I have to walk each time I train
• how long does my walk take
• what was my pace
• what pace do I need to complete the half-marathon walk in 3hr 40min

Then if I’m watching what I eat, I count:

• have I had enough protein for today
• how much chicken should I eat
• did I have enough water
• how much milk should I drink
• did I have enough fruit
• how many servings of vegetables did I have
• is that too much rice
• can I fit that cookie in today (editor’s note: the answer to this is almost always yes, and more than one cookie will fit, also)
• did I have enough fibre

On my driving trips, it’s:

• how far is my destination
• when should I start from home to get through the border at a non-peak time
• how much money will I need for gas
• how much money for food

You get the idea. My life seems to be a numbers game. I think it provides comfort, stability, and order.

I believe this number stuff is true for everybody, I’m just dwelling on it. Probably because I’m in the count-down to the half-marathon walk.

• four more sleeps
• two more short training walks
• one trip to pick up the race day stuff

And then 21.0975 km (or 13.1093787 miles) to the finish line.

I use my hours and hours of walking to listen to podcasts and audiobooks. Here’s what I’ve listened to lately.

For technie news I listen to CBC’s Spark with Nora Young. Actually, I subscribe to the Spark Plus podcast. It has the full broadcast of the weekly show. And it has the unedited version of the guest interviews. I’ve followed Nora from Definitely Not the Opera. She’s got a great radio voice, and the topics are current, lively, and thought provoking.

I used to listen to TVO’s Search Engine with Jessie Brown (he used to be on CBC). His interviews are also right-on when it comes to current topics, often with a political bend to them. But, I do not enjoy his strident voice and his manner of speaking. He’s currently not on my playlist, but I do pay attention to what he’s talking about and may listen to him again.

For current topics, I listen to Fresh Air with Terry Gross. This is from WHYY, an NPR station serving the Greater Philadelphia area. It’s obviously got a very USA-focus, and this is especially true when it has political interviews. But their music, book, and entertainment interviews are the best. I’ve bought and read countless books after I’ve listened to the author interviews, watched TV programs and movies after listening to their reviewers, and I’ve listened to music I would not have found on my own after hearing them on Fresh Air. If you’ve got an iPad there’s a great NPR app I also heartily recommend.

For my spiritual hit, I listen to CBC’s Tapestry with Mary Hynes. The topics aren’t always about formal religion – the most recent was on losing one’s faith. Mary is sometimes a bit breathless and over-the-top laudatory, and still manages to conduct a good interview.

I get all my audiobooks from Audible.com. I’ve had a subscription with them for almost eight years. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I’m listening to, that I keep listening even after I’ve finished walking. Or if I’m listening in the car, I’ll sit there at the end of the journey just to listen a bit more. Sometimes I purchase an audiobook because I’ve heard it on Fresh Air, or I’ve read a review of the book in the newspaper. Sometimes, I just go trolling and find something from an author I like, and haven’t read. There was a time where I’d listen to anything read by a particular actor. Right now I’m listening to Seeking Peace: Chronicles of the Worst Buddhist in the World, by Mary Pipher. I heard her interviewed on Tapestry, and enjoyed that interview. I’m liking the audiobook, too.

There’s more, too: Vox Tablet, Spacing Radio, and CBC’s Q with Jian Ghomeshi.

Listening to these podcasts and audiobooks help the minutes and hours melt away when I’m walking.

Do you have any favourites?

I have a hard time dealing with change. I’ve been thinking about this foible of mine, and I know it’s about me being in control of the change.

Almost 11 years ago I had my first buzz cut. I’d been thinking about it a lot, and felt that it wouldn’t be a good idea to do something so radical when I worked at a corporate job. Then came a time that I realized I wasn’t going to be working at that corporate job for much longer, so I had the buzz. I loved it from the beginning.

I’ve had no end of women saying to me “I’d love to do that with my hair, but …” I’ve also had many people saying to me “Sir …” I’ve been told to leave the women’s washroom. I’ve had people think I was undergoing chemo and lost my hair. And though the “Sir” comment almost always makes me crazy – the 40D chest doesn’t seem to get noticed – I still love this change.

I decided to cut my hair – I’m good with this change. Even when I closed the SUV’s lid on my head, I was still good with it. (Don’t worry, it was 6 1/2 yrs ago and it’s healed nicely, thank-you.)

I got divorced about three years ago; it wasn’t really my idea, I had a great deal of difficulty with it. I was not good with this change.

I got my lapband almost two years ago. I decided to do this, and I’ve been very pleased with the results. I was good with this change.

Some urban artists put graffiti on my home earlier this year. I wasn’t happy about that change. Even then I realized that if I had asked for the place to be graffiti’d I might have enjoyed it a bit.

So maybe change isn’t the issue for me after all, it’s control. Actually, this idea may have percolated for me at Walt Disney World in February. I was on a ride, one of the very few I went on, when I had this epiphany. The ride theme was a test drive in a car. I love driving, but I didn’t like the ride because I wasn’t driving. I didn’t know when it was going to speed up or lurch or bank. I realized then that if I had been driving I would have enjoyed it … not driving took away my enjoyment. Not being in charge took away my enjoyment.

So my foible isn’t dealing with change, it’s needing to be in charge.

And being in charge of my weight loss and activity change has been a good thing. I decided to get the lapband. I decided when to ramp up my activity level. I decided what activities to do.

Who knew it would be another year of “all about me”?

From an article in The New Yorker, September 6, 2010. Quoting Rebecca Pidgeon:

I can see why people find the road life compelling because you’re in this permanent state of migration. You’re not faced with yourself, you’re moving constantly away from yourself.

The question being: do I recommend the laparoscopic banding procedure aka the adjustable gastric band to help lose weight?

If I had my life to live over, I would have asked for another set of genes. The set of genes that would let me know when I’m full when I’ve ingested enough calories to keep me at an average weight. My mother, my uncle, and my sister managed to capture these genes. It’s not to say that each of them had been at exactly the same weight for their entire adult lives, because I know they each fluctuated. However, as my sister can do now, when she feels that she weighs a bit more than she’d like, she somehow has the inner resources to cut back a bit on her eating, and perhaps ramp up exercise a bit, and the excess weight sloughs off. Somehow her genes allow her to make these food/exercise decisions before she becomes overweight or obese.

I simply cannot do that. I eat quite a lot before I’m full, and I’m sure that there were times when I stopped eating because there was no more food, not because I couldn’t eat more. The curious thing is that I can do the “stopping” with alcohol easily. Not, not, not with food.

Back to the question. The banding has worked for me. I stop eating because I’m full with much smaller amounts than I would have consumed previous to the procedure. And, importantly, I can abide the side affects.

The first side affect is bad breath. I think this happens because I also have extra “spit” – I really don’t know how to explain this. I try to keep my teeth extra clean, and do a lot of gargling with non-alcoholic mouthwash.

The second side affect is the occasional productive burping. This usually happens if I’ve eaten too quickly, or not chewed my food enough. The food kinda gets caught, and I have to throw it up. I don’t do this too often now, as I’ve learned to slow down, and chew more thoroughly.

The lapband doesn’t help you make good food choices, or tell you to exercise. It helps only with volume of food you consume. You still need to DO the right stuff to lose weight, or to keep your weight under control.

So, I’m weaseling out of answering the question. The band worked for me – I don’t know if it’ll work for you.

While I was in Boston this past week, I attended the travelling Cirque du Soleil show, Ovo. It was fantastic. It’s the fourth or fifth Cirque show I’ve seen, and I liked it as much as, or perhaps ever more than some of the others.

What I did appreciate this time more than the other shows was the sheer athleticism of the performers. Now that I’ve done a very little bit of training, I think I’ve gained an appreciation of the HUGE amount of work the Cirque performers must put in to do the work they do many times a week. The shows are physically demanding, and each performer made it look effortless, polished, and beautiful.

And, of course, as this blog is about weight and size. Two stories.

The first is that I fit comfortably in the seat. I know that a little while ago I would have either just barely been able to squeeze into the seat, or at some points in the past not fit at all.

The second story is about the woman seating on my left. She and her partner just barely fit into their seats. She kinda sat on my seat. I then moved towards brooke’s seat, and then brooke moved very slightly to her right. The upshot was, that the woman sitting to brooke’s right got up and moved into the row behind us to be more comfortable. This is exactly the kind of seat shifting shenanigans I would have instigated myself. I’m thankful it wasn’t me this time – and I had a great deal of empathy for the woman who started the musical chairs. I couldn’t tell whether she noticed.

I didn’t get a lot of walking in during this trip. We were away four days and it rained almost nonstop for three days. The rain isn’t an excuse, I know. But that’s what happened.

I am a bit concerned that I haven’t trained enough for the walk that’s four weeks and three days away to ensure I finish in the time I originally hoped. However, I’m still convinced I’ll finish before the course closes. I am still walking – I did 13.5km today, and I’ve planned a bit more than 12km tomorrow. There’s also the usual LSD on Sunday. I’m going to continue to plod away. More like the turtle than the rabbit.

I wish my toenails were as attractive as these.

I’ve got fungus growing in three of them. I’ve decided to have these yucky toenails removed surgically. I’ve already had them cut back quite a bit, but need to have the last little bits dug out. I know that’s not the technical word for it, but I think you get the idea.

The happy thing is that the toes or the toenails don’t hurt, they’re just unsightly. According to the chiropodist we haven’t needed our toenails for a tens of thousands of years. They serve no purpose. So removing them won’t harm my toes or my feet. Good to know.

I decided to wait until after the half-marathon and my next trip to do it. The surgery is not a huge deal, and the recovery time is probably a week or so. I just don’t want to cut back on my training time for the marathon, and as I’m going away for a week soon after the half-marathon, I thought waiting ’til I return is the best course of action. There’s no harm in waiting as my toenails aren’t harming me, and as they’re already cut they’re not quite as ugly as they were before treatment.

So that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately – fungus and toenails. Hope your thoughts have been more fun.

Today I did my first workout in almost three weeks. All I can say is OWEE!

I did a 10.2km walk with my half-marathon training group. I walked with a couple of women with whom I keep the same pace. We each exclaimed that we felt we were walking slowly, and not at our usual speed. Each of the others had done quite a bit of walking yesterday and last week. I had done nothing.

The curious thing was that though we felt we were walking slowly, we actually did quite a good pace and finished in just over an hour and a half. That’s a bit slower pace than I would want for the half-marathon, but not as slow as I felt I was going.

I was most definitely pooped afterwards though, and very stiff. The two weeks of very light walking didn’t keep my fitness level up. Oh, well. I have nine weeks to race day. And I know I’ll be able to improve my speed.

As for the food bit … always the most difficult aspect of my wellness. I could have done a lot better making food choices while I was away, but at the same time I could have done a whole lot worse. The unusual blip for me though, was this – I had an alcoholic beverage, and sometimes two, everyday for two weeks. I have never, ever done that. I didn’t regret it for a moment, and I haven’t had one since I returned. It was just a curiousity for me.

Getting back on my path, and getting back to the gym tomorrow morning. Oy! I can feel the pain already.

Confession time. I’ve blown off my workouts lately. I don’t even need an excuse to to stop doing the “right” thing, I just stop.

I need to figure out how to turn the robot part of me on so that I’ll continue to do my morning workouts, and make the correct food choices. I’m doing the half-marathon walking training partly because there’s a group involved, so I haven’t blown that activity off. I know that it may seem that if I just worked with a trainer again for the morning workouts I’d go, but I don’t think so. At least I’m not ready to find another trainer.

Sometimes the exercise feels like work I don’t like. And sometimes it feels like work I do like. I feel so much better in my body when I incorporate the activity and the correct food choices. Yet, somehow, I can sabotage myself and not do the activities and make the right choices.

Complain, complain.

Let’s look on the bright side … o.k. I’m off on another trip in the next couple of days. Exeter-Yeovil-London-Paris-Barcelona, with most of the time in Yeovil and Barcelona. I’m very much looking forward to it. I’ll be able to continue my walking for sure, and I’ll actually have a good excuse for neglecting the gym workouts.

I know the button to turn on the correct responses is somewhere in me.

I’m never in the moment. I’m always trying to get to the other side. I don’t remember to enjoy the journey, or experience happiness in reaching the goal. I just want to get to the other side.

That may help me when racing. That is maybe it’ll help push myself to finish the half-marathon in less than 3hrs and 40min. I recognize that I may not then enjoy the walk itself. The thing is, I do want to enjoy the walk. So during this training, I’m going to have to work on enjoying the walk. Wonder how I do that?

I know that during the training one easy way to enjoy the walk is talking to the other participants. Everybody has a story. Some exciting, some boring, but something. And one of the participants said that she found one way to enjoy the walk is for a “treat” during the walk. She didn’t mean food or drink; she meant a beautiful plant, a songbird, or a beautiful vista.

Working on enjoyment of the journey – another task on the list. Changing your body is a lot easier than changing your mind.