Fat Woman With A Band

Last week was a write-off. I was mildly depressed – is there such a thing? – and couldn’t get motivated to exercise at the level I need to keep my weight loss moving. I did some light activities – walking and rowing – and tried to keep my eating under control. I think there were two reasons for how I felt.

I had gum surgery the week before last and took antibiotics for a week afterwards to stave off infection. It’s been a while since I’ve taken antibiotics and I wonder whether these pills affected my mood. Maybe. Maybe not. Taking the meds was definitely something different in my daily routine, and therefore could have been a source of my change in mood.

I was also feeling too regimented with my exercise routine. Jackie was right-on when she said I need to have – well, let’s put it this way, an assertive exercise routine if I want to have results. But, I also felt a little physically burned out from the three-a-week schedule and the three aquafits and the one bodyflow and the walking and the rowing, etc.

So last week I had one session with Jackie on Monday, missed Wednesday, and had a very abbreviated session on Friday. I also completely missed aquafit.

I’m happy to report that by Friday afternoon I was definitely feeling the cloud lifting from my head, and today I’m feeling pretty fine. Knock wood.

I’m ready to do week six, the final week in this set. Then I’ll have two weeks away – I’ll do one week on my own at the gym, and I’m considering what to do while I’m in Disneyworld the last week of February.

I should also comment on the diet. Not only was I tired of the exercise regimen, I was getting tired of the food, too. I had to change up my breakfast meal without losing out on the huge boost in fibre I get from it. I think I did that successfully. I could have done better on meal planning, but I didn’t feel too out of control. I am going to make a concerted effort this week to cut back on my soy milk intake; it feels like I’m drinking my calories, rather than chewing them.

Saying I’m recharged is an overstatement. I am on track.

Confirmed. I’ve lost ONE POUND since November 2009.

How’s that for a weight loss, eh?

Sheesh.

I usually have a bunch of little things to say and this week is no different. Having big things happen doesn’t always mean a good big thing. So here’s five little things from the past week.

1. I may have lost a pound. This week was the first time since November that I may have weight loss. I won’t trumpet the loss until next weigh-in. A pound would be good as it would go with the slight changes in body shape I’ve been feeling.
2. The graffiti has been cleaned from my building as of the day before yesterday. Good. Hope it doesn’t happen again. I know hope is not a plan, but I don’t know how to plan not to have it happen again.
3. I’m reading a new book called “Angry Fat Girls: Five Women, 500 Pounds, and a Year of Losing It…Again” by Frances Kuffel. I read her first book “Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself” last year. The first book described her experiences losing 188 pounds. This new book talks about regaining some of the weight and then trying to lose it again. It also describes the experiences of four other women she met online through her Amazon blog. Some of it is very depressing, some of it is “yup, that’s me”, and some of it is “thank goodness I didn’t, or don’t do that.” I’ve just started the book, and I’m not sure I’d call a good read. I found her descriptions of how she’s kept the privacy of everyone appearing in the book very confusing, and very long winded. I do like how it’s more than just about Frances. More about the book in a future post.
4. Also this week I feel my training went up a notch. There were some new moves, and some repeats of old moves. The exercise routine left me wobbly and pooped, and exhilarated. Thanks, Jackie.
5. Oh, and I’m visiting Mickey Mouse the last week of February with Doug and Alnoor. Yeah!

I’ve already explained I’m continuing to work to reach my goal of losing another 25 pounds. It’s still going very, very, very slowly. So slowly as to be not moving at all.

I’m also trying to keep the activity level up. It’s difficult and I’m only doing “o.k.” at it. I’ll keep on trying.

As for being the boss of me – I’m paying more attention to making sure I get my needs met, my ideas heard, and doing what I want. Not easy as I have a long tradition of being a door mat, but I am finding ways to being more in charge of me.

And happily it’s already looking like a year where I’ll do even more travelling. First trip will be at the end of February to Orlando. I’m hopeful it’ll be with a couple of friends.

Then China in May. CHINA! Amazing. So out of my comfort zone. What’s helping is going with friends, as I’m not sure I’d go on my own. We’re just in the planning stages, but I’ve already got my ticket to Beijing. We want to work in Shanghai and Hong Kong. I hope that some of the travel will be by train. I get all happy flushed just thinking about it.

And we’ve also talked about London, Amsterdam, and Copenhagen for July.  I’m really eager to go back to London, and I’m loving the idea of touring Amsterdam and Copenhagen. They’ll be a few train trips in there, too.

And, of course, I want to go to New York again. Don’t know exactly when, and finances will be a huge factor on determining when and how I go. All I’m sure of at this point, is want to go again … and again … and again.

So, I’m even more serious about losing weight and keeping the activity level up. I don’t want to miss out on anything and I want to make sure I’m as healthy as I can be to get maximum enjoyment out of every moment on each trip.

In the last couple of days trying to find balance has been a challenge. And I’m not referring to balance around my eating or activity levels, but more around not obsessing around the darned graffiti.

I took brooke’s advice – she said “do something” about the graffiti. That is, vent in an appropriate way. So, I did. I wrote an e-mail to the local business improvement association and to the councillor. I did a bit of research on the ‘net to find out what the city and Police Service have to say. I talked about it with friends and family. Even at the Y this morning a member heard me talking about it with Jackie, and he said “get rid of it” – he’d had the same experience.

So after the Y this morning I got on the phone and started calling. The Police Service automated message about Graffiti Eradication says to get rid of it after reporting it. I did report it; two officers came out – one took my statement and another took photographs. They said the Police do keep track of the graffiti. If the vandal is caught doing the bad deed somewhere, they check their records to determine if they’ve done it somewhere else also. The attending officer also suggesting cleaning it up because it may help determine if it’s a “one-off” or someone with a vendetta – potentially against one of the business owners in the building. Presumably if it’s a vendetta, the vandal will come back and do it again.

I’ve called two graffiti removal companies for estimates. I will have to live with the unsightly mess until warmer weather as the removal can’t be done in freezing weather.

I also called the city as their website for the Graffiti Abatement Program says to call in to report it. But what they don’t make clear is that they only want a report if the graffiti is on city property. I told the operator their parking meter got tagged, but she didn’t seem to care about that. She did say I could lodge a complaint with Municipal Licensing and Standards, but to me that’s a route to follow if it’s someone else’s building you’re complaining about.

I do feel better. Actually, two other things helped too. The first was when I called the Police to report I had to listen to the automated message prompts regarding emergencies or personal injuries. Kinda made me think “thank goodness.” The other thing that worked was looking at the graffiti a bit more. It’s bad, yes. I didn’t ask for it, true. The words are stoopid – “DOA” and “ZINE” – true. But it’s paint, not fire, not a tree falling into the building, or a gas explosion.

And then this helped too. I put on jeans that I had bought a couple of months ago without trying them on first. I had made the assumption they would fit. But they were too tight. I’ve pulled them out of the back of the closet a couple of times since I bought them, but they’ve continued to be too tight. Until today! Yeah me!

So, even though the scales have been stubbornly stuck at pretty much the same number for the past 6-8 weeks, at least my body shape is shifting.

Good. Balance. Breathing.

If anger can make you lose weight then I’ve lost the 25 pounds I want to lose yesterday.

I woke up Saturday morning to graffiti on my front door, the garage door, and on the building. I was incensed. I’m still very angry.

This is not art, this is not cool, this is not urban, or urbane. It’s vandalism.

May the person or persons who did this rot in hell. ‘effin bastards.

2010′s motto is: “I’m the boss.”

That’s right, I AM the boss.

I AM in charge of what I do.
I AM in charge of what I consume.
I AM in charge of making things happen for me.
I AM in charge of my reaction to events.
I AM in charge of my weight loss.
I AM in charge of my exercise plan.
I AM in charge of my feelings.

I AM the boss of me.

I like the simple things.

I’m finding it hard to believe my first year with the band is over. Where did the time go? Vooooom … gone, gone, gone.

I’m also still peeved my weight has stagnated, stalled, stopped moving, hung, stuck, plateaued. Peeved. Frustrated. Pissed off.

BUT, I’m not giving up. My exercise plan is still ongoing. I’m still active. My clothes still fit. And I’m still feeling good.

And, of course, with a few end-of-year celebrations already under my belt (pun intended), and a few more to go in the next week, I’ll just keep my activity level up and not worry too much about what I’m consuming.

I plan on making my goal weight in year two, and to increase my fitness level through exercise while I’m doing that.

I’m looking forward to it.

Best of the season my happy readers, and hope you get want you need if you’re exchanging gifts and in the new year.

I think it will take a while for my brain to catch up with my body and realize it is not the quite the same size as it was. Here is what happened.

I was getting dressed one morning recently and had this thought: I wonder if my jeans will fit after I washed them. In the past it would be completely normal for me to gain so much weight between washings that a piece of clothing that would have fit a couple of weeks ago would not fit now.

I was noticeably relieved when my jeans did fit this week. But why wouldn`t they, for goodness sake! I haven`t been overeating, and I`ve continued with my exercise and activities.

And about exercise … I went for an almost three hour walk yesterday. I only stopped because I was bored and wanted to do other things, not because I was exhausted. I loved figuring that out.

One final happy thing. I`ve been able to shop at lots of sales, and yesterday I bought a few pieces of clothing for $10 each. I would never, ever, ever been able to do that in the past.  The sizes were all over the place – L, M, and size 14 – but still happy making.

It’s been one year since I was banded.

I’m pleased with my weight loss and my health improvements.

I’m pleased with being able to by clothes in “regular” stores.

I’m pleased with my increased level of activity.

I’m confident I can continue and meet my goal.

Yeah me!