Fat Woman With A Band

My breath smells like shit.

Really, I’m so sorry. If I could fix it, I would immediately. I’m working on it, but it’ll take some time. Longer than I’d like, and probably much longer than you’d like.

I asked for professional advice, and I’m going to follow it. I’ve got four, five, maybe even six different things I’m doing to help combat it.

It’s just, well you know, when you’re losing weight it’s one of the unfortunate side effects. And I’m pretty sure I’ve always been prone to it – maybe because I’ve been fat for so long, or maybe it’s just me.

I’m doing what I can about keeping my teeth clean – flossing,  brushing, and regular checkups. I don’t think it’s because I’ve got tooth decay or gum disease. I think it’s all digestion, or maybe lack of digestion, related.

I think it’s undigested food that just doesn’t move out of my body fast enough. The food sticks in my digestive tract, and I exhaust the smell of it. Phew! Yucky!

So, here’s what I’m doing:

1. In the lemon and hot water drink I have each morning, I’m adding a tablespoon of bran.
2. After I brush my teeth I’m rinsing with a chlorophyll & water mixture rather than conventional alcohol-based mouth wash.
3. I’m taking a digestive enzyme supplement.
4. I’m chewing on chlorophyll laced gum between meals – when I can stand it, as I’m not a gum chewer.
5. I’m keeping an eye on my fiber intake. The more, the merrier.

I’m going to try one more thing, and that’s brushing my tongue.

Oops, gotta put that on my shopping list. New toothbrush.

The less I eat the more energy I have, which you would think is the opposite of what should happen. You would think the fewer calories, the less fuel you have to consume, and the less energy you’ll derive from that fuel. That’s not the case for me.

And my issue isn’t that I have more energy, it’s that I’m not able to focus the energy. For the last week or so, I can’t do anything for any period of time. I get impatient, lose interest, and want to move on.  It’s a struggle to make myself do the tasks I need to do. With my tranquilizer dosage decreased – by eating small quantities of healthy foods – I’m tense and agitated.

I wonder how long it takes for the body and mind to adjust to fewer calories, and to more nutritious food. I suppose that if I were the average dieter, I’d probably abandon the diet right about now. I’ve lost a little. Fit into clothes I hadn’t been able to for a while. Got more energy. Yippee! Let’s eat!

I won’t though for two, maybe three reasons. The first is the lapband. Eating the same quantities of food as I did two months ago would cause physical discomfort, maybe even pain. The second reason is that I WANT to lose more weight. And, I think that how I feel currently, will pass. I just need to be patient.

This is me being patient. Shit.

One of the threads on the lapbandtalk site is NSV, or Non-Scale Victories. These victories are those that come about because you’re losing weight, and are related to weight loss, but not specifically THE weight loss.

Examples:

• fitting into clothes that you’d outgrown
• reducing medications
• compliments from family, friends, or strangers
• more energy.

And that last one is the biggie for me. When I’m medicating myself with food, I never notice a surfeit of energy, because I’ve used it all up with gluttony. When I eat with moderation, I have a huge jump in energy.

I also notice a bit of on increase in the inability to concentrate. I’ve got about four books on the go, and I just can’t seem to sit  still long enough with any of them to complete them.

I’ve also just about completed the first week with a fill. Thankful, in the last few days I haven’t had any problems related to eating too fast. I now have to figure out if I need another fill, or if this is the correct amount. I’m going to make a concerted effort to monitor how quickly I get hungry after eating. I am pretty sure, though, that I can comfortably eat more than one cup worth’s of food at one meal. Hmm … maybe I’ve answered the question – I think I’ll need another fill.

I’ve increased my rowing time by five minutes per day in the last couple of days. I’ll increase it gradually until I get to 30 minutes a day, and then stick to that.

Maybe cross-country skiing is next? Uh, no. No it’s not. But maybe some mall walking – that sounds warmer.

Pretty much all I’ve been doing is not eating.

That is an exaggeration, of course. Let’s say I’m being very careful. And it’s been difficult.

After I eat I do feel a bit of pressure. Not the uncomfortable feeling one has after overeating. It’s more like a hard knot in my stomach. I’m don’t experience an level of pain with it – it’s just “there.”

I’ve also started rowing. The instructions that come with the rower suggest starting off slowly at 10 minutes a day, and gradually increasing the time week over week. It’s felt very good to row.

The chatter on the lapbandtalk site has similar comments from the people who were banded on the same day – hunger, a bit of increase in burping, and optimism about the future. I am looking forward to the next 12 months.

On the lapbandtalk site many people have as part of their signature a little horizontal graph showing how much they want to lose and how much they’ve lost to date. I admit that I often pay more attention to this graph then to the content of the posting. I look for people who say they are planning on losing the same amount of weight as I want to lose. Then I look to see when they started to lose weight. I then apply this arithmetic to me.

I think “How much will I have lost by March?” “By the summer?” “In 12 months?” I know I’m obsessing. I think once I really start into it, I’ll be able to relax a bit.

So, what do I mean by start into it? I mean when I feel a restriction after eating, and I don’t feel hungry all day. Oh, of course when I’ve ramped up my exercise regimen. I think by the end of January I’ll be in a good place.

My plan? Do what I need to do to lose weight. And along the way work on a way to make healthy living a habit for a lifetime.

I’ve been through the four days of clear liquid, and the seven days of full fluid (creamed soup, protein drink, yogurt). This morning I begin seven days of mushy food. That’s food basically the consistency of baby food. Actually, the guidelines even suggest organic baby food as a meal.

I started off with a bowl of organic oatmeal and flax. It was delightful, thank-you.

I just finished as you can see. I’m interested to determine if it helps me feel full or sated. I’ve felt very hungry the last few days.

The bandages have all gone, and the bruise is definitely not as angry. My stomach is a little bit bumpy near the port, and I hope that goes away. It makes it a bit uncomfortable sleeping. The incisions look pretty good, too.

I’ve also regained a lot of my energy and I feel like doing more things. Unfortunately, my dislike of winter weather mitigates that a bit. Anyway, I’ll deal with it.

I’ve been working on visualizing as a technique to keep me motivated. A bit more than visualizing actually; not just thinking of me doing something, but also about how I’ll feel in my body doing that activity. I do remember what it feels like to complete a challenging physical activity, and I’m trying to recapture that feeling in my thoughts. At this point what I find physically challenging maybe totally pedestrian to most. I know I have to start somewhere.

I also remember what it felt like in my body when I wore clothes in a much smaller size. I’m trying to focus on that feeling, also.

I’m not focussing on how much weight I’ve lost. I’m sure I get weighed at the clinic on January 12th, when I go for my first fill. And whatever it is, it is.

Off I go to do a food bank donation.

First, I had my surgery two days ago. And, I’m pleased to report it went very well. Today I have a bit of cramping from the gas that is still rolling around in my innards, but I feel good.

Second, to help me reach my goal I need to do these things:

1. Decide on a goal
2. Decide on the activities need to reach my goal
3. Work on the activities

My goal is to lose 100lbs by December 13, 2009.

To reach my goal, I will eat less and move more. The lapband will help me with the eat loss goal, as it will help me monitor my intake.

As for moving more, I’m going back to the “Y” in January, beginning with aqua-fit. As the weather warms and I become more fit, I’ll start incorporating more walking into my routine.

And, overarching these items is working on my brain. Getting my brain rewired so that the eat less/move more (ELMM) is just as natural to me as breathing.

I think the rewiring part will be as difficult as ELMM. And perhaps more exciting.

I’m losing weight, not my sense of humour.

A friend sent me this diet today. It’s making the rounds through e-mail.

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

Stress Diet

Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kiss

Afternoon Tea
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Sound familiar? I’d probably have more crunchy and salty stuff on the Stress Diet. I wonder if there are any substitutions allowed?

Dr. Oz says there are three things that important to a good and healthy life.

1. Exercise – do something physical everyday.
2. Eat food as close to the way it was grown as possible – reduce the amount of processed food you eat.
3. Have a purpose – doing something important to you. The popular phrase is: what is your passion?

My girlfriend quickly added the fourth thing for a good and healthy life:

4. Have good people around you – family and friends to support you.

He’s right, and she’s right.

Getting these four things into your life isn’t easy. If they were easy, we wouldn’t need to talk about them. Everybody would just naturally do them.

And then, of course, once you have them in your life, life is easy. Hmm. Maybe not easy, just easier.

I think I experienced some of this on Saturday night. It was my girlfriend’s annual year-end gathering. It was all about the friends and the food. I couldn’t have any of the food because of my pre-op diet, but I could enjoy the company. And I did, a great deal.

I was going to say that not having any my favourite foods was difficult, but you know after the first little while it really wasn’t. I concentrated on talking to people, and taking photos. The night passed pleasantly, with the curious aspect of having a lot of conversations about food. I never grabbed the cheese tray and waddled out the front door yelling “It’s mine! All mine!”

I hope that I can concentrate on my four things in the next while, and that the losing weight portion will be a pleasant, engaging experience.

Finally, I’m reading another great book, The 4-Day Win, by Martha Beck. I’ll give a short review of it in another blog. She has an interesting angle on the eat less/move more diet thing. I’m liking what I’ve read so far.

The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl, Shauna Reid

Half-Assed, Jennette Fulda

Passing for Thin, Frances Kuffel

I have to surround myself with items and people that will help me do this. These three books, in different ways, are just the ticket.

What they all have in common is good to pretty good writing. Funny anecdotes. Lots of “me, too” moments.

Also, I feel there’s lots of anger. Perhaps a bit more in Jennette’s memoir, than the others. Anger at themselves, anger at not being noticed or taken seriously.

None of these women had weight-loss surgery. Shauna changed her diet with the help of a couple of national programs, and then figured out what she needed to do for herself. Jennette pointedly refuses to discuss her method of changing her food habits because she views it as a personal decision. Frances joined a self-help group and consumed vast quantities of vegetables.

Each one incorporated a great deal of exercise into their lives. Each expressed joy at discovering they liked the exercise. I’m rolling that thought around a bit: joy in exercise. I hope I find that joy.

Both Shauna and Jennette’s websites are terrific resources for help on weight-loss.

Each woman lost a lot of weight – half their weight. Each also had bumps in the road. That is, they didn’t start their weight loss and then continue losing steadily until the point at which they started writing their book. Each had some periods where they regained weight, grabbed hold, and then started losing again. I think this is the part I found most heartening. It made their stories real for me, not a fairy tale.

Three things I learned:

1. eat healthy
2. move more
3. “it” is in your head

I’ve have not yet managed to work on healthy eating and moving more for longer than six months. In order for me to make a successful change, I’ll need to get my head working for me so that it’ll be a forever-commitment.

As a good friend says: “Focus!”

I’m gonna.

Cue 86-piece orchestra, with a large percussion section, and play the big music.

Started the pre-op deprivation diet today. I know. I know. It’s all in how you frame it. At this very moment, I’m feeling deprived, and the endpoint is so far away, that I can’t think of it clearly.

Grrrr.

O.K., I’ll stop. That’s it. No more feeling sorry for myself. Done and done.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about dieting, finding the descriptions of experiences that will help me. Lots and lots to read about. Some written by people “just like me”, and some sponsored by medical organizations.

I’ve added a couple of more sites to my blogroll, to give you an idea of what’s available. Elastic Waist has some very funny videos. And Weight Matters is authored by an Ottawa doctor specializing in bariatric topics.

I’ve ordered a couple of books written by women after their successful weight loss. I’ll post reviews as soon as I’ve read them. Wonder why it seems as if it’s only women who talk about weight loss? Usually, if you see or read about a man’s weight loss, it’s associated with an athletic achievement. Gender roles appear even in weight loss stories.

On the bright side, tomorrow is two. Oh, and I can drink coffee or tea. See? It’s all in how your frame it.

And a big shout out to canadiangirl who had her surgery on Nov 20th. I’m happy to report she’s doing well. Go, canadiangirl!