Fat Woman With A Band

Last week was a write-off. I was mildly depressed – is there such a thing? – and couldn’t get motivated to exercise at the level I need to keep my weight loss moving. I did some light activities – walking and rowing – and tried to keep my eating under control. I think there were two reasons for how I felt.

I had gum surgery the week before last and took antibiotics for a week afterwards to stave off infection. It’s been a while since I’ve taken antibiotics and I wonder whether these pills affected my mood. Maybe. Maybe not. Taking the meds was definitely something different in my daily routine, and therefore could have been a source of my change in mood.

I was also feeling too regimented with my exercise routine. Jackie was right-on when she said I need to have – well, let’s put it this way, an assertive exercise routine if I want to have results. But, I also felt a little physically burned out from the three-a-week schedule and the three aquafits and the one bodyflow and the walking and the rowing, etc.

So last week I had one session with Jackie on Monday, missed Wednesday, and had a very abbreviated session on Friday. I also completely missed aquafit.

I’m happy to report that by Friday afternoon I was definitely feeling the cloud lifting from my head, and today I’m feeling pretty fine. Knock wood.

I’m ready to do week six, the final week in this set. Then I’ll have two weeks away – I’ll do one week on my own at the gym, and I’m considering what to do while I’m in Disneyworld the last week of February.

I should also comment on the diet. Not only was I tired of the exercise regimen, I was getting tired of the food, too. I had to change up my breakfast meal without losing out on the huge boost in fibre I get from it. I think I did that successfully. I could have done better on meal planning, but I didn’t feel too out of control. I am going to make a concerted effort this week to cut back on my soy milk intake; it feels like I’m drinking my calories, rather than chewing them.

Saying I’m recharged is an overstatement. I am on track.

I usually have a bunch of little things to say and this week is no different. Having big things happen doesn’t always mean a good big thing. So here’s five little things from the past week.

1. I may have lost a pound. This week was the first time since November that I may have weight loss. I won’t trumpet the loss until next weigh-in. A pound would be good as it would go with the slight changes in body shape I’ve been feeling.
2. The graffiti has been cleaned from my building as of the day before yesterday. Good. Hope it doesn’t happen again. I know hope is not a plan, but I don’t know how to plan not to have it happen again.
3. I’m reading a new book called “Angry Fat Girls: Five Women, 500 Pounds, and a Year of Losing It…Again” by Frances Kuffel. I read her first book “Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself” last year. The first book described her experiences losing 188 pounds. This new book talks about regaining some of the weight and then trying to lose it again. It also describes the experiences of four other women she met online through her Amazon blog. Some of it is very depressing, some of it is “yup, that’s me”, and some of it is “thank goodness I didn’t, or don’t do that.” I’ve just started the book, and I’m not sure I’d call a good read. I found her descriptions of how she’s kept the privacy of everyone appearing in the book very confusing, and very long winded. I do like how it’s more than just about Frances. More about the book in a future post.
4. Also this week I feel my training went up a notch. There were some new moves, and some repeats of old moves. The exercise routine left me wobbly and pooped, and exhilarated. Thanks, Jackie.
5. Oh, and I’m visiting Mickey Mouse the last week of February with Doug and Alnoor. Yeah!

2010’s motto is: “I’m the boss.”

That’s right, I AM the boss.

I AM in charge of what I do.
I AM in charge of what I consume.
I AM in charge of making things happen for me.
I AM in charge of my reaction to events.
I AM in charge of my weight loss.
I AM in charge of my exercise plan.
I AM in charge of my feelings.

I AM the boss of me.

I like the simple things.

I’m finding it hard to believe my first year with the band is over. Where did the time go? Vooooom … gone, gone, gone.

I’m also still peeved my weight has stagnated, stalled, stopped moving, hung, stuck, plateaued. Peeved. Frustrated. Pissed off.

BUT, I’m not giving up. My exercise plan is still ongoing. I’m still active. My clothes still fit. And I’m still feeling good.

And, of course, with a few end-of-year celebrations already under my belt (pun intended), and a few more to go in the next week, I’ll just keep my activity level up and not worry too much about what I’m consuming.

I plan on making my goal weight in year two, and to increase my fitness level through exercise while I’m doing that.

I’m looking forward to it.

Best of the season my happy readers, and hope you get want you need if you’re exchanging gifts and in the new year.

I think it will take a while for my brain to catch up with my body and realize it is not the quite the same size as it was. Here is what happened.

I was getting dressed one morning recently and had this thought: I wonder if my jeans will fit after I washed them. In the past it would be completely normal for me to gain so much weight between washings that a piece of clothing that would have fit a couple of weeks ago would not fit now.

I was noticeably relieved when my jeans did fit this week. But why wouldn`t they, for goodness sake! I haven`t been overeating, and I`ve continued with my exercise and activities.

And about exercise … I went for an almost three hour walk yesterday. I only stopped because I was bored and wanted to do other things, not because I was exhausted. I loved figuring that out.

One final happy thing. I`ve been able to shop at lots of sales, and yesterday I bought a few pieces of clothing for $10 each. I would never, ever, ever been able to do that in the past.  The sizes were all over the place – L, M, and size 14 – but still happy making.

It’s been one year since I was banded.

I’m pleased with my weight loss and my health improvements.

I’m pleased with being able to by clothes in “regular” stores.

I’m pleased with my increased level of activity.

I’m confident I can continue and meet my goal.

Yeah me!

I’ve been pondering what to do next, that is what to do when I’ve reached my goal weight with this exercise regimen. I need to think about what kind of exercise I’ll do to help keep my weight in check, and not be “soul-sucking” using Jackie’s words.

I’ve been pondering doing a half-marathon walk. I know I can do the walk, but whether I can do it in a quasi-competitive way is another thing. Also, I wonder how you train for that, and then which marathon would I do? I think I’ll percolate on this for a bit. One of my first thoughts about this is that I’d need to train by walking – no duh! – but winter is just about to begin for us and I seriously dislilke winter weather and walking on the icy, snowy, slushy, yucky streets. Treadmill? That kinda invokes the soul-sucking analogy for me.

Anyway, as I say, I’ll percolate on this for a bit.

The weight loss is trickling along, just about what’s to be expected. I have about 29 pounds to go ’til goal. I really hope that it won’t take 29 weeks to do that, but it’s feeling like it might. Now THAT feels soul-sucking.

Carrying on.

When I think about comfort food I often think first of food my mother cooked on Sunday mornings for Sunday lunch. My parents were Hungarian so the food we had at home was Hungarian.

So when I visit my relatives in Budapest I look forward to a lot of home cooking. And they never disappoint. My aunt, a cousin, and a cousin’s daughter-in-law are all great cooks. I don’t crave fancy meals, just everyday cooking. My cousin likes to prepare more elaborate meals, but there’s always an “everyday” course even there.

I’m quite satisfied that I had pretty much all the food that I wanted with two small exceptions. I had fried chicken, chicken soup, dumplings, and fish meals. All y-u-m-m-y. I had a couple pieces of pastry, and some Hungarian crepes.  I didn’t get to langos, which is a fried bread dough that can be enjoyed savory or sweet. And I didn’t have any strudel.

My relatives were very helpful in that they asked me what I could eat – to which I answered EVERYTHING. I was also very conscious that I was being observed for signs of, well I don’t know why exactly but I think they weren’t sure in the first few days that I wouldn’t start gagging at every meal. When they realized the lapband wasn’t a thing to worry about, they all relaxed.

I didn’t do as much exercise as I wanted to, but I did the best I could. I had two good walking days, and one so-so walking day. Jackie gave me an exercise routine to do in my hotel room which I did every second day. And my room was on the seventh floor so I took the stairs up and down at least once a day, and sometimes twice.

I had only one day that was uncharacteristically hungry and that was the day coming home. I ate every single bit of airline food available, and happily it was relatively plentiful. Breakfast, lunch, one small salty snack, and one heated veggie snack.

If I have one complaint it’s this – I had a lot of problems staying regular, and I’m still in that place. I don’t know what exactly is going wrong, and I’m going to concentrate on fibre, veggies and fruit this week to see if I can get back to normal.

So, in the end I lost weight. Not a lot, but enough to have reached my second last milestone – I am now overweight. My BMI says I am no longer obese.

I have 30 pounds to go to goal. It still feels a long, long way away.

Often when we’re learning something new we think of the process as following a steadily climbing curve, which at some point begins to decrease – the bell curve. As time increases our learning may get more difficult to begin with and then begin to drop off as we’ve “learned it all.”

In the past week I’ve been thinking of my progress curve as it relates to fitness. I don’t feel my progress has followed a standard bell shaped learning curve. Rather it feels like improving my fitness level can best be shown as a series of steps. It feels like I just arrived on the top of one of these steps or the tread after a very, very long riser.

Though my workouts haven’t been easy, I feel like I’m recovering faster between sets of exercises, and I’m able to get to the next exercise a bit faster. It’s not consistent, but I feel I’m making progress.

Also on my regular walking route around my place I used to do it in about 1 1/2 hours, with the last 30 minutes a bit of a struggle. I walked this route the last couple of days – I powered my way through it in about 1 hour and 10 minutes. I was able to sustain a faster pace, and I wasn’t dragging my butt at the end.

And I lost another two pounds. A grand week, all in all.

I think I’m doing pretty darn good. Physically.

The pounds are dropping a bit more slowly than in the first few months, but that’s to be expected. I’m definitely more active. I meet with Jackie twice a week, do the same workout by myself one more time during the week, go to aquafit three times a week, a bodyflow class once a week, row most everyday, and walk most everyday.

I figured out that I needed to up my game a bit when the weight loss started to slow, so that’s what working with Jackie is all about. The happy fallout from that is that I’m actually enjoying it … not so much the exercise, but the feeling of accomplishment when I’ve completed the session.

The mental part of my weight loss is a bit more difficult to deal with. It’s been said that the obese eat to medicate themselves – our drug of choice. When I choose not to overeat as I’m doing right now – obviously the lapband provides some motivation to not overeat – I find not only that I have more energy, but that I also have a great deal more difficulty staying focussed.

For example, I haven’t been able to read a book in more than two months. And most everyone irritates me – actually strike that – EVERYTHING  that EVERYONE does irritates me.

This irritation phase is starting to dissipate now, after being around for about three or four weeks. And not a moment too soon.

Exercising helps stave off blowing up at everything, but the only activity that really helped was being by myself. So, thank-you one and all for putting up with me and my mood. Really. Thank-you.