Fat Woman With A Band

I think I’m doing pretty darn good. Physically.

The pounds are dropping a bit more slowly than in the first few months, but that’s to be expected. I’m definitely more active. I meet with Jackie twice a week, do the same workout by myself one more time during the week, go to aquafit three times a week, a bodyflow class once a week, row most everyday, and walk most everyday.

I figured out that I needed to up my game a bit when the weight loss started to slow, so that’s what working with Jackie is all about. The happy fallout from that is that I’m actually enjoying it … not so much the exercise, but the feeling of accomplishment when I’ve completed the session.

The mental part of my weight loss is a bit more difficult to deal with. It’s been said that the obese eat to medicate themselves – our drug of choice. When I choose not to overeat as I’m doing right now – obviously the lapband provides some motivation to not overeat – I find not only that I have more energy, but that I also have a great deal more difficulty staying focussed.

For example, I haven’t been able to read a book in more than two months. And most everyone irritates me – actually strike that – EVERYTHING  that EVERYONE does irritates me.

This irritation phase is starting to dissipate now, after being around for about three or four weeks. And not a moment too soon.

Exercising helps stave off blowing up at everything, but the only activity that really helped was being by myself. So, thank-you one and all for putting up with me and my mood. Really. Thank-you.

I read about this woman today, and thought it was time to provide an update on my real gastric band.

Now that I’ve lost 70 pounds, I can feel the port a bit more when I put my hands just below my rib cage. It feels a bit more at the surface of my skin. I don’t think it’s moved, but rather the layer of blubber covering it has diminished slightly.

I also experience a feeling like a cramp or a side stitch from time to time. Sometimes I feel this when I’m sitting in the car, or less often after eating. The feeling passes after a while, and it’s not painful.

I think the band is living up to its good press. It helps me regulate how much I eat, plain and simple. I can feel when I’ve had enough food, and it always less than I would have chosen to eat in the past. In conjunction with this I think I’m making wiser choices when eating. I do more planning on what I’m going to eat throughout the day, and try to make sure I get enough protein at each meal.

I don’t beat myself up when I do have something that’s not a “diet” food, e.g., beer or dessert (though for some people beer=dessert), but I do limit the amount and I feel I’m taking part in the festivities.

After slightly more than five months with the band, I’m pleased with the results and my progress.

It’s disconcerting that having a life, that is a social life, is incompatible with making wise food choices. At least for me it seems to be true.

A social life means meeting friends at food and drink venues. I do try and combine a walk with meeting, but it’s not always possible because of time constraints or because there’s more than one person involved.

I try to make sure that I get a walk in somehow. I walk to the meeting spot, or I go early, park my car and then go for a walk and end up back at the restaurant or bar at the meeting time. It weighs less on my mind during lunch or dinner if I know that I’ve got my exercise quota convered and I can enjoy sitting and schmoozing.

The food choices are harder for me to regulate. Even though I know I physically can’t consume the same quantity as I could have before my banding, the habit to overindulge is hard to break. I know all the tips ‘n tricks: order an appetizer instead of an entree, order the light or lunch portion instead of the dinner portion, order steamed or grilled, order salads with dressing on the side, etc.

But last week I lost less than a pound. It’s the least amount I’ve lost since banding, and what changed for me was the number of times I ate out. This week I’ve eaten out a lot again, and I think I’ll show the same small amount. In the coming month I’ve got a trip planned, and lots more social engagements. I’m concerned about not meeting my goal of losing 100 pounds by December 11.

On the other hand, I can’t be a hermit because then I’ll be a crab.

My perception is rose coloured because I’ve lost more than 50 pounds. I was hoping on losing close to 50 when I stepped on the scales this week, and happily I had lost even more. And that was even after being away on vacation last week.

I have to remember this for those weeks when the scale doesn’t move or when I go up. Because I know that will happen. Plateaus are common for anyone losing weight and I’ve had them on previous diets.

I’ve had a couple of days this week where I haven’t eaten enough. I eat at least 1200 calories per day, but I’m o.k. even if I get closer to 1300 or 1400. A couple of days I think I’ve come up short for a couple of reasons. The first is poor planning. I didn’t spend enough time thinking about where I was going to be around meal times and I didn’t have anything appropriate to eat with me. By the time I got home it was too late to prepare and eat a meal. I ended up having a protein bar.

The second reason was eating too quickly, taking big bites, and then not chewing enough. I then had to do a few productive burps. Not only did I lose the food, I also couldn’t continue eating. Obviously I haven’t mastered the skill of eating with a lapband successfully. Yet.

I’ve been walking and rowing at least six days out of seven, and participating in aquafit at least three days a week. I’m very glad the weather is warming up as it’ll make walking that much more enjoyable. I don’t even think of these activities as exercise anymore.

Boardwalk here I come.

I have returned from my first vacation with a laparoscopic band. I’m very pleased with how it all went, and not just the eating part.

I went to New York City where I was surrounded by food. There are street vendor carts everywhere selling food I’d happily quaff. You’ve got your pretzels, your nuts, your middle eastern food, and your hot dogs. Then there’s the coffee, the bagels, and the pastries. All that before you get inside.

What I was really happy to see is that many places had calorie listings for their food, especially the fast food or lunch places. All the chain burger joints listed calories on their signs, but even Pret a Manger, Au Bon Pain, Starbucks, Europa Cafe, and others had food listed with calories. Amazing! I know calories aren’t the be-all and end-all of eating smart, but it’s a good start. I found it really helpful.

Now having said that, I didn’t have any really great meals. I had two good meals, and all the others were not memorable. I started each day with oatmeal with fruit. Definitely a larger portion than at home – no excuses.

I had one vegetarian meal in Greenwich Village that was tasty, similar to the quality of food at Fresh or Big Carrot. The other meal was chicken, brown rice, and a salad combination at Au Bon Pain. Very good.

In previous trips I would have eaten deli – I stayed just down the street from Carnegie, Stage, and Ben Ash delis – pasta, asian, and more fried foods. I didn’t do any of that this time. Did I miss it? Yes, a bit. But not enough that I actually went and had any of it.

So, I think I could have done a little better making my food choices, but I’m still happy with what I did. What I’m most proud of though are the non-scale victories. And there are a few.

Beginning with the airplane ride. Simply put, I could do up my seat belt. And I could put the tray table down all the way. You have no idea how big a deal that is. No idea. These two simple things made me very happy. Very.

In NYC you can do a lot of walking; I did as much as I could. For the most part I felt fine. I had enough energy, and my joints didn’t ache too much. The only time I felt physically challenged was at MOMA; strolling and standing as you do in a museum is uncomfortable to the point of painful for me. At least this showed I still have lots of work to do, and I have to work more on loosening up my IT band and bum muscles. If it isn’t one band, it’s the other.

The trip was a good test for me, and I’m proud of how I navigated my way with the band.

I get so much out of being with friends and loved ones. Yet when I’m in trouble, usually emotionally and sometimes even physically I tend to withdraw. There’s probably some psychological reason for that – maybe one of you can enlighten me – and though I know I can almost always feel better after talking, I still withdraw.

I attended a support group at the clinic this week and I was reminded yet again how the happiness hormones kick in after just talking and interacting with others. I wasn’t in a particular bad headspace before the meeting, just having an average day. At the meeting I met eight women who were in different stages after lapband surgery. I knew one woman as we are attending the same nutrition class, but I had never met any of the others, or the facilitator.

Obviously we had a few similarities:

• female
• overweight
• had laparoscopic band surgery
• had lost weight
• had been overweight a long time.

All the other women had children, and by coincidence three of the women were nurses.

The facilitator led the discussion, and most of the women shared their experiences – how they felt, what worked for them, etc.  And even though we ranged in age from early thirties to late sixties (a guess as no one asked about ages and I’m really bad at guessing age), we each had similar experiences and feelings around being overweight and living with the band.

The topic which had the most diverse opinions and experiences was “who had we told we were banded.” Many of the participants had told only the closest family. I, of course, have told just about everyone. Though I’m being a bit disingenuous as I’ve told only those people who, as the nutritionist says, “are interest-ready.” I think as I lose more weight more people will ask what’s going on, and I may share even more then.

I’m going to come looking for you the next time I feel stranded.

It feels like a lifetime of diets. I can remember my first diet using doctor prescribed amphetamines when I was in Grade 8. I lost weight. My mother was happy.

The next big time was in Grade 13; I received doctor prescribed injections containing a substance too horrible to repeat. Actually a very famous current diet doctor was responsible for popularizing this treatment. I don’t think he does this anymore, he now prescribes a near starvation diet.

Next was a diet without medical aids, just with watching my food intake. That was in the second last year of university. That worked well, too.

And then from then on lots of tries, and lots of failures. Each time I was ‘effin’ good at losing the weight, and even better at regaining the lost pounds and finding even a few more pounds for extra measure.

There are a few things different this time. The most obvious is the lapband. I have a surgically implanted aid to help me control the volume of food. Weight loss surgery consists of at least one part surgery – at the clinic this part is described as 50% of the tools needed to lose weight.

The second difference is me – my physical self. I’m 51 and in menopause. I can feel that my body is reacting differently to weight loss than it has done in past attempts. The weight loss feels slower to me. And the physical activity needed to boost this weight loss is more difficult to do.

The third difference is me – my mental self. I think some of this difference is again related to menopause. Mood swings, hot flashes, sleeplessness, all of the usual symptoms rage around in my brain pan. Happily these symptoms are not as bad as they were even six months ago.

The final difference is the support I’m receiving from my tribe. In the past, I’ve received support from family and friends, and they were great, and helpful, and cheered me on. This time the same holds true, in spades, but I’ve also reached out more. You’re reading this blog, for example. I’m more vocal about what I need, and what I’ve done.

I’m different, and I’m planning on a different result. Lose the weight AND keep it off.

I had my first “fill” yesterday. It went o.k.

The band can hold up to 10 cc’s of saline solution. The nurse placed 4 cc’s in it yesterday via a needle into the port just under by skin. I could feel something immediately – a slight pressure on my right side. Not painful, and only a little bit uncomfortable for about an hour or so.

The rest of the day I could drink water, protein smoothies, and I had some home made tofu and vegetable pureed soup. I could definitely feel something then, and it was hard getting it down. But, this morning’s cup of coffee went down smoothly with no hiccups.

I’m scheduled for another two fills, two weeks apart. The clinic’s nutritionist recommended that after the third fill to “sit” with it a for a little while to determine if it’s o.k. That is not to ask for another fill, or possibly defill, until I’ve worked with that amount of fill I’ve received to that point. What I’m looking for is the “sweet spot.” That is, a restriction that will allow me to eat about a cup of food at one meal, and feel full for at least three to four hours. She went on to explain for some people that sweet spot can be the difference between having 7 cc’s of saline vs. 7.25 cc’s of saline.

I also got weighed. I’ve lost 24lbs since I began, and I have a l-o-o-n-g way to go. The nutritionist also counselled patience. She said that losing between one and two pounds a week is optimal. I know she’s right, but it’s very difficult to hear. I want to lose big numbers every week, and lose all the weight I want to lose quickly. And, at the same time, I know that it is physically impossible to do that unless I exercised eight hours a day with a trainer, and had my meals prepared for me in the most nutritionally balanced way. And this doesn’t happen for anyone in real life.

I’ve signed up for a six-week course at the clinic to learn about eating smart with the band, and I suppose even without the band. It’s about how to optimize the 1 cup of food I eat at each meal, and how to optimize my whole day’s nutrition. More on this in the coming weeks.

I’m off to begin my day with a bit of rowing, and then an aquafit session, before I get to work.

Pretty much all I’ve been doing is not eating.

That is an exaggeration, of course. Let’s say I’m being very careful. And it’s been difficult.

After I eat I do feel a bit of pressure. Not the uncomfortable feeling one has after overeating. It’s more like a hard knot in my stomach. I’m don’t experience an level of pain with it – it’s just “there.”

I’ve also started rowing. The instructions that come with the rower suggest starting off slowly at 10 minutes a day, and gradually increasing the time week over week. It’s felt very good to row.

The chatter on the lapbandtalk site has similar comments from the people who were banded on the same day – hunger, a bit of increase in burping, and optimism about the future. I am looking forward to the next 12 months.

On the lapbandtalk site many people have as part of their signature a little horizontal graph showing how much they want to lose and how much they’ve lost to date. I admit that I often pay more attention to this graph then to the content of the posting. I look for people who say they are planning on losing the same amount of weight as I want to lose. Then I look to see when they started to lose weight. I then apply this arithmetic to me.

I think “How much will I have lost by March?” “By the summer?” “In 12 months?” I know I’m obsessing. I think once I really start into it, I’ll be able to relax a bit.

So, what do I mean by start into it? I mean when I feel a restriction after eating, and I don’t feel hungry all day. Oh, of course when I’ve ramped up my exercise regimen. I think by the end of January I’ll be in a good place.

My plan? Do what I need to do to lose weight. And along the way work on a way to make healthy living a habit for a lifetime.

I’ve been through the four days of clear liquid, and the seven days of full fluid (creamed soup, protein drink, yogurt). This morning I begin seven days of mushy food. That’s food basically the consistency of baby food. Actually, the guidelines even suggest organic baby food as a meal.

I started off with a bowl of organic oatmeal and flax. It was delightful, thank-you.

I just finished as you can see. I’m interested to determine if it helps me feel full or sated. I’ve felt very hungry the last few days.

The bandages have all gone, and the bruise is definitely not as angry. My stomach is a little bit bumpy near the port, and I hope that goes away. It makes it a bit uncomfortable sleeping. The incisions look pretty good, too.

I’ve also regained a lot of my energy and I feel like doing more things. Unfortunately, my dislike of winter weather mitigates that a bit. Anyway, I’ll deal with it.

I’ve been working on visualizing as a technique to keep me motivated. A bit more than visualizing actually; not just thinking of me doing something, but also about how I’ll feel in my body doing that activity. I do remember what it feels like to complete a challenging physical activity, and I’m trying to recapture that feeling in my thoughts. At this point what I find physically challenging maybe totally pedestrian to most. I know I have to start somewhere.

I also remember what it felt like in my body when I wore clothes in a much smaller size. I’m trying to focus on that feeling, also.

I’m not focussing on how much weight I’ve lost. I’m sure I get weighed at the clinic on January 12th, when I go for my first fill. And whatever it is, it is.

Off I go to do a food bank donation.