Fat Woman With A Band

Losing weight is like the Great Wall. It’s an upward climb, with a bit of a break, and then another climb, and another break. Over and over again. And along the way the steps are uneven, some easy, some almost insurmountable without assistance. I’m still doing the weight loss, and I walked a very little bit of the Great Wall. I couldn’t have done the latter without the former.

My China experience was everything I hoped for it to be. I saw China; I saw the places in China I wanted to see. I did the things in China I wanted to do. I left knowing where I would go back to on my next trip.

I could not have done this trip 112 lbs ago. No way. Not a chance. A couple of times, mind you, only a couple of times I saw women who looked like me more than 18 months ago. I knew exactly how they felt in their bodies, travelling in places where everybody is smaller, and where the Chinese are quite happy to stare and stare at you.

We did a lot of walking, and it was not a hardship. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, without a second thought. I enjoyed Chinese food and the more than occasional ice cream or treat. It was all fine. I came back to a two pound weight loss. What could be better than that?

I thank S (& the kids) & M for the opportunity. Great travelling companions. A trip I will not forget.

I’m having a hard time, mentally, keeping on track. On Thursday I did not, did not, want to do my work out. I didn’t want to do the vertical crunches, the treadmill, the aquafit. Not, not, not.

But I did it. The only thing that kept me going is the thought “only four more sessions after this, and I’ve got a month’s break.” Two more upper body workouts, two more lower body workouts, and one aquafit. And somehow a bit of walking has to be worked in.

I didn’t do my long walk yesterday. My right leg and heel haven’t been 100% and I though I might be overly cautious, I just don’t want to risk making them worse just before my trip. I’m thinking rest and time will heal the heel.

My food intake, I’m reluctant to admit, has gradually increased. Or, rather my food intake of food that should only be occasional foods, has increased. Another reason I need a reset, I think. It shows I’m tired of the same old, same old.

After the trip I’m working in earnest on my half-marathon goal. So twice a week sessions at The Running Room half-marathon walking clinic, and I definite reset on my eating plan.

More exercise. Less food. More weight loss. Keep going.

There. Another goal.

Confirmed. I’ve lost ONE POUND since November 2009.

How’s that for a weight loss, eh?

Sheesh.

I usually have a bunch of little things to say and this week is no different. Having big things happen doesn’t always mean a good big thing. So here’s five little things from the past week.

1. I may have lost a pound. This week was the first time since November that I may have weight loss. I won’t trumpet the loss until next weigh-in. A pound would be good as it would go with the slight changes in body shape I’ve been feeling.
2. The graffiti has been cleaned from my building as of the day before yesterday. Good. Hope it doesn’t happen again. I know hope is not a plan, but I don’t know how to plan not to have it happen again.
3. I’m reading a new book called “Angry Fat Girls: Five Women, 500 Pounds, and a Year of Losing It…Again” by Frances Kuffel. I read her first book “Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself” last year. The first book described her experiences losing 188 pounds. This new book talks about regaining some of the weight and then trying to lose it again. It also describes the experiences of four other women she met online through her Amazon blog. Some of it is very depressing, some of it is “yup, that’s me”, and some of it is “thank goodness I didn’t, or don’t do that.” I’ve just started the book, and I’m not sure I’d call a good read. I found her descriptions of how she’s kept the privacy of everyone appearing in the book very confusing, and very long winded. I do like how it’s more than just about Frances. More about the book in a future post.
4. Also this week I feel my training went up a notch. There were some new moves, and some repeats of old moves. The exercise routine left me wobbly and pooped, and exhilarated. Thanks, Jackie.
5. Oh, and I’m visiting Mickey Mouse the last week of February with Doug and Alnoor. Yeah!

2010′s motto is: “I’m the boss.”

That’s right, I AM the boss.

I AM in charge of what I do.
I AM in charge of what I consume.
I AM in charge of making things happen for me.
I AM in charge of my reaction to events.
I AM in charge of my weight loss.
I AM in charge of my exercise plan.
I AM in charge of my feelings.

I AM the boss of me.

I like the simple things.

It’s been one year since I was banded.

I’m pleased with my weight loss and my health improvements.

I’m pleased with being able to by clothes in “regular” stores.

I’m pleased with my increased level of activity.

I’m confident I can continue and meet my goal.

Yeah me!

I definitely have a love/hate relationship with that darn scale. I haven’t lost any weight in way too long.

On the other hand I admit that I had to buy smaller pants, and I do feel pretty darn good. Jackie says not to focus on the weight loss, but rather on the inches lost. And I suppose that’s especially important currently as I’m doing more exercises moving weight around, and not just my own.

It’s just effin’ frustrating.

I had a great time in NYC. Walked and walked and walked. Ate. Saw a couple of plays. Just enjoyed being there. I didn’t worry about the food. By that I mean I didn’t worry about whether I was eating too much or not enough of the right stuff. I just ate what I wanted, and I didn’t feel I made too many bad choices. I definitely didn’t eat in the same volume as I would have in the past.

I’m coming up to my one-year anniversary of getting the band installed. I had hoped to lose 100 pounds in the first year and I’ve done that. So there. Be happy with that I say to myself. But, darn it all … I want more!

Patience.

When I think about comfort food I often think first of food my mother cooked on Sunday mornings for Sunday lunch. My parents were Hungarian so the food we had at home was Hungarian.

So when I visit my relatives in Budapest I look forward to a lot of home cooking. And they never disappoint. My aunt, a cousin, and a cousin’s daughter-in-law are all great cooks. I don’t crave fancy meals, just everyday cooking. My cousin likes to prepare more elaborate meals, but there’s always an “everyday” course even there.

I’m quite satisfied that I had pretty much all the food that I wanted with two small exceptions. I had fried chicken, chicken soup, dumplings, and fish meals. All y-u-m-m-y. I had a couple pieces of pastry, and some Hungarian crepes.  I didn’t get to langos, which is a fried bread dough that can be enjoyed savory or sweet. And I didn’t have any strudel.

My relatives were very helpful in that they asked me what I could eat – to which I answered EVERYTHING. I was also very conscious that I was being observed for signs of, well I don’t know why exactly but I think they weren’t sure in the first few days that I wouldn’t start gagging at every meal. When they realized the lapband wasn’t a thing to worry about, they all relaxed.

I didn’t do as much exercise as I wanted to, but I did the best I could. I had two good walking days, and one so-so walking day. Jackie gave me an exercise routine to do in my hotel room which I did every second day. And my room was on the seventh floor so I took the stairs up and down at least once a day, and sometimes twice.

I had only one day that was uncharacteristically hungry and that was the day coming home. I ate every single bit of airline food available, and happily it was relatively plentiful. Breakfast, lunch, one small salty snack, and one heated veggie snack.

If I have one complaint it’s this – I had a lot of problems staying regular, and I’m still in that place. I don’t know what exactly is going wrong, and I’m going to concentrate on fibre, veggies and fruit this week to see if I can get back to normal.

So, in the end I lost weight. Not a lot, but enough to have reached my second last milestone – I am now overweight. My BMI says I am no longer obese.

I have 30 pounds to go to goal. It still feels a long, long way away.

honderd, cent, hundert, cento, cern, ciento.

one hundred pounds.

No weight change in two weeks.

Very, very, very frustrating.

I’m this close to losing 100 pounds and the darned scale won’t co-operate.

What to do? What to do?

The old me would have sat down for a few bad noshes. The new me? I’ve kept exercising, and kept watching what I eat.

Something has got to give. Got to.

Jackie suggested more fruit and fibre. She’s right. I’m going grocery shopping now.

And I know before you say it … not the kind of fruit or fibre as in Finnish Christmas Star pastries. But they do look yummy, don’t they?

Grrr.